Jamesie's Adventures
by 02AngelBaby75
Summary: A series of 25 silly and short one-shots about our dear stingy Mr. James, as well as his relationship with Lord Gloria. There's much more to the art thief and the accountant than one may believe.
1. Promise

When Dorian Red Gloria the Earl of Gloria met Mr. James and asked him to join the Eroica Gang, he made a promise to him. Dorian took promises very seriously, whether he was being given one or being the giver. In particular the one he was about to make was important.

He held firmly onto Mr. James' hands. He was trembling-Dorian had taken him to the castle and it always scared people the first time they were in it. He himself scared them as well, but that wasn't the case with Mr. James. He could tell simply by looking at the young man that he was intrigued, even in love with him. It was cute. Silly, but cute.

"I promise," said Lord Gloria, tightening the grasp on the fair hands in his grip, "that I'll always love you and take care of you forever and always. No matter what. Even if your hair falls out and you lose your hearing and you end up hating me-I'll still love you."

The look on young Mr. James' face was priceless. His eye, the one you could see as he always had his hair covering the other, was as wide as a saucer. His skin grew four shades paler, if possible, and something between a whimper and a squeal escaped his lips. No one had spoken words such as these to him in his entire life, _ever_. Could it be true?

The Earl of Gloria furrowed his brow and said, "Do you promise me the same thing, Mr. James?"

James shook his head slowly, up and down. "I promise. Oh, I promise, M'lord. I do."

Dorian let go of Mr. James' hands-they were starting to get clammy. He chuckled. He said, "We're not getting married."


	2. Bubbles

Dorian had an odd fascination with bubbles. James was never able to figure out how, when, or why it started, but there it was-one of Mr. James' favorite of Lord Gloria's quirks.

On warm summer days, Dorian liked to take one of those giant bubble blower thingeys outside on the grass and lay there on his back for hours just blowing bubbles. He never popped them on purpose, and when a really big one floated high into the sky and burst, James could see The Lord breathe a little deeper like each one that popped had physically hurt him.

He had bubble baths almost every night, too. One of the unusual nights where James drew the water instead of someone else, Dorian asked, "Jamesie, have a bath with me?" It was said more of a statement than a question, not that James would have said no had Lord Gloria asked.

The bath water was hotter than any James had ever been in before; it scalded his skin. He settled into the bubbles and watched with curiosity as Dorian picked up a handful of the soapy creations and threw it against the wall. He watched intently as the bubbles slid down the side of the wall, seemingly entranced. Suddenly, Lord Gloria blurted out, "Bubbles are perfect. When I was a child, my sister bought me a bottle for my birthday. I spilt it all before I could use it, so she ran a bath and filled it with bubbles. We did this"-here Dorian tossed some bubbles against the wall-"and we played a game, guessing what shape they would form."

"Oh."

"It was great fun." Lord Gloria smiled wistfully. He said, "You try, James."

Doing as he was told, the little accountant picked up a pile of bubbles and chucked them at the tiled wall. The two waited for it to settle, and then Dorian said, "It looks like a lobster."

"Really?" said James, his one visible eye wide. "It looks like a dollar bill."


	3. Ears

_Jamesie had the cutest little ears ever_, thought Dorian. He voiced his opinion as often as possible without it being too awkward, for his tiny best friend was easily embarrassed.

It was hard to see Mr. James' ears. His hair was so long and fluffy-it covered them up frequently. Dorian only got a good look at them when they cuddled together, when James snuggled into his chest, half-asleep-and totally susceptible to ear admiring.

Dorian would run his fingers across James' skull and when he started to drift off, he would push his hair back so he could look at those adorable ears of his. He poked them and giggled when James shifted in his grasp a little uncomfortably, as if he knew something unpleasant was happening to him.

Other times when they slept side-by-side, Dorian would scratch a little favorite spot of his behind James' ear, near his jaw, knowing that usually put him to sleep fairly quickly. Which was good for Dorian, of course.

When James wasn't vulnerable, Dorian still found a way to love those ears. At times in the morning, during the thieves' daily hug ritual, he would put his hands on either side of the little man's face and when James was distracted, grinning at him, he would reach up and grab his ears, twisting them gently. He never hurt James, but did he ever annoy him.

The accountant would proceed to scream and stomp his feet, covering his ears with his palms, whilst Dorian pranced off laughing like he was a child who had successfully stolen cookies from the cookie jar.


	4. Marriage

James knew for the longest time that Lord Gloria could never get married. The commitment was too great for him; it involved too much responsibility. When Dorian loved, he loved deeply. It almost frustrated James the way he grew so emotionally attached to everyone. He never forgot a face, even if it was someone who waved to them or smiled when he and James took an occasional stroll around the neighborhood in the evening.

If he ever were to marry, it would be to The Major. That never would happen in this life, so James found it safe to say that Lord Gloria would certainly not be getting married anytime soon. This made him happy-delightfully happy. Dorian was unable to ever belong to somebody, but he belonged to James more than he belonged to anyone else, including stupid Uncle NATO.

Sometimes James liked to pretend he and The Lord were a happy married couple. When Dorian patted his hand and tickled him, and when he gave Dorian back rubs and helped him pick his outfits-it felt like they were an old couple who had been married for decades and took care of one another. It was ridiculous, he knew, but ridiculousness had never stopped James from doing things before.


	5. Smile

"Good morning, Jamesie."

"Morning, M'lord. How are you?"

Dorian smiled. It was a beautiful smile, like every morning. "I'm fine."

James did not smile often. He only did when smiled at first, and usually only Lord Gloria did that. Money-related things obviously made him smile, but it was an unsettling one that could very easily be taken as a creepy grin. Others had a hard time simply looking the short accountant in the eye for this very reason-he did not appear very friendly. The odd time one found Mr. James smiling, they would see that the right corner of his mouth would slowly go up first, followed by the left; he hardly ever showed his teeth.

Dorian's smiles-his genuine smiles-were large and happy and extremely welcoming. They put people immediately at ease, and made them want to be his friend. Lord Gloria had won many over just by saying please and then flashing one of those famous grins.

Every morning, every night, and all throughout the day, The Earl smiled at James. He would say, "Good morning," and "Good night," and he would smirk toothily in James' direction. Lots of smiles in his life had been directed towards him, but whenever Dorian smiled at him, it felt like the very first. Each one made the young man's heart melt. Call him what you may, but The Lord's smile light up the room and no matter how bad he was feeling, James couldn't help but grin in return.


	6. Blood

The mere sight of blood made James terribly squeamish. He was able to handle it when it was something of importance, like if his Lord was hurt, but heaven forbid if he gave himself a paper cut. Because of repressed memories, the accountant could not remember why blood petrified him as it did, but some deep psychological damage must have been afflicted upon him at an early age. Or so he assumed.

James never truly grew out of his fainting spells, and they worsened in severity when the dreaded red liquid was involved. He couldn't bring himself to drink cranberry juice, which Dorian thought was super funny. He never wrote in red ink, since it made him paranoid-it was always black ink, and on occasion blue.

While sorting through some important tax papers of Lord Gloria's, James made a careless mistake and a sharp piece of paper sliced across his index finger. The cut was long and deep and immediately began to ooze blood. It was not a huge cut necessarily, but it was considerably large for a paper cut. A girlish scream was ripped from James' throat and he promptly fainted like a sack of potatoes, falling backwards from his chair and landing flat on his back on the floor.

Dorian heard the ever familiar _thump_, and knew that poor Jamesie had hurt himself or something along those lines again. He rushed up to save him, worry blooming in his chest. What if Mr. James had _actually_ gotten hurt?

Once he made it up the many stairs to the miserable, cramped attic where James spent the majority of his time, he was relieved to see that his friend had just passed out and landed in his usual position-no bones were sticking out of his body at irregular angles. The Earl fell to his knees and gently poked Jamesie's face and tickled his ribs until he woke up.

"_Gahh_!" James shot upright and flung his arms around Dorian's neck.

Dorian fell back, surprised. "Yes?"

"M'lord, I'm bleeding!"

Lord Gloria didn't need to be told twice-he detached James' arms from around himself and grabbed his hands, inspecting for where the cut was, with the ease of someone who had carried out this routine countless times. He brought James' injured finger to his lips and kissed it. "It's not bad, dear, I'll go get you a band aid, okay?"

At the mention of the word _band aid_, Mr. James again fainted dead away in Dorian's arms.


	7. Picture

James wasn't one of those people who took a lot of photos, nor was he in many. He hated cameras; including being behind and being in front of one. The odd photograph you found him in, he would not be smiling. He'd be trying to hide.

Dorian, always observant of Mr. James' dealings, noticed the lack of pictures that he was in. When he asked the accountant for baby pictures, anything from his childhood, James replied that he had none because his family was very poor while they raised him-they didn't have a camera. He wasn't lying, there really weren't any baby photos of him, but there was much more to James' aversion to photos than The Earl knew of.

Quite frankly, James was unhappy with the way he looked. Short, thin, milky pale skin. His hair was thick, long, black and bushy. His eyes were green and too big to look natural. His hands were small and ladylike with long fingers. This was good for using his numerous calculators, but very little else.

One may not have thought it looking at him, but Mr. James had some serious insecurity issues.

Lord Gloria knew. He knew right away. He watched Jamesie's mannerisms after this revelation, and he took note that the young man scratched at his wrists a lot. He sat on his hands whenever possible and he was constantly running his fingers through his hair. He blushed when Dorian complimented him and seemed to be at a loss for words.

So he said one day at the breakfast table, "Jamesie luv, let's get a family portrait of you and I. How does that sound, hmm?" He sipped his tea and smiled at James across the table.

James choked on his pancakes. "No," he said simply.

"Yes."

James' one eye watered up. "Please no. I look hideous and I hate that my unattractiveness will forever be preserved in a photograph." He shook his head and held up his fork to emphasize the point.

"Aww, my poor Jamesie." Dorian uncrossed his legs, rose, and pushed James out of his chair. He took a seat and then pulled his bewildered friend into his lap. Everyone was now nice and comfy. The Lord worked on untangling the knots of James' unruly hair as he spoke soothingly to him, for he was beginning to cry. "We don't have to get a picture then. That's okay."

"Okay," came the sniffled reply.

Dorian kissed the back of James' head and nuzzled his neck. He didn't need a picture of him and James anyway. He remembered everything about his sweet little accountant in his mind. And at moments like this, those mental pictures would more than suffice.


	8. Mother

The only person James loved more than Dorian was his mother. Her name was Jennifer, but usually she was called Jenny. She looked very much like her son-slender, pale, unassuming. Her face was plain, her bright blue eyes the only feature that stood out; she was nothing very special to look at.

She died when James was seventeen, only a few weeks before he moved out. She had cancer. It didn't last more than a couple months and she was not in much pain for a long period of time. James was laying next to her. Their skulls were touching when she died. He felt her last breath leave her body, and a peacefulness fell over him like a blanket. Since it was going to happen, it couldn't have happened any better.

Jenny was not a happy individual. She had her fair share of grief in her life. All that eased the emotional pain was the birth of a premature, 5.3lbs baby with green eyes and a funny, toothless grin. Jenny named the little boy James, after her great grandfather, with whom she was close to.

James' father did not show up very often, not that this bothered Jenny in the least. She was fine with only her and baby James-they would spend the days together and she loved getting to know how to be a mother. She was fully aware of what lay ahead of her: potty training, school, those dreaded teenage years...It was a looming, intimidating task, but it was also just as exciting.

She and James had a wonderful life set before them. Jenny smiled down at the tiny, potato-like child in her arms. He weighed no more than a loaf of bread, but to Jenny he seemed like an immense and overwhelming creature whom she was destined to fail. 


	9. Album

It was a well-known fact that Dorian was a devoted and somewhat crazed fan of Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant was the only person he actually looked up to and modeled his hair after.

When their latest album came out, James wanted to be the one to bring it to The Lord before anyone else or he would get it himself. He wanted to surprise Dorian, who did stuff like this for him all the time. Personally, James disliked the English rock band, although he bore a striking resemblance to Jimmy Page, the guitarist. They also shared the first name 'James,' though James went by James and not anything else, and certainly not Jimmy...

Despite his selfish nature, James could be very thoughtful when it came to The Earl, so he was able to put aside these feelings of discomfort he got when looking at Led Zeppelin to buy the album, which was entitled Led Zeppelin |V. How clever. He went all around town trying to find the best price, but unfortunately they were all the same. He went back to the place closest to the castle, and managed to get the stupid thing for three dollars less. Not much, but it was enough to satisfy James.

The look on Dorian's face made James happy that he did what he did. He watched Dorian unwrap the present eagerly with a big, toothy grin. It annoyed Lord Gloria that Mr. James had wrapped whatever it was in toilet paper, but as soon as he laid his eyes on Led Zeppelin's latest album, he quickly forgave it. "Oh, Jamesie!" The Lord pulled the accountant into a bone-crushing hug. "I love it! Oh, thank you, darling."

James hugged Lord Gloria back, giggling madly. He would do anything to see Dorian as happy as he was in that moment.


	10. Hug

There was absolutely no one on Earth that gave better hugs than Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria. This was one of the very first things James had learned about his new boss. He gave hugs all the time-incessantly. When he was happy, sad, confused, absolutely whatever. He would hug the closest person to him.

James usually found himself at the receiving end of such affection. He wasn't complaining, though. The types of Dorian's hugs differed; thus James set them up into three main categories: _The Monster_, _The Half_, and _The Fleeting_.

The whole _Monster_ one was obvious. These hugs were long-lasting and lung-squishing and full of love. With these hugs, Dorian would often pick little James up off the ground, leaving his feet dangling in the wind. They could last up to thirty seconds. The line was blurred between a _Monster Hug_ and cuddling, so James sometimes had a difficult time distinguishing the two. These kind of hugs were definitely the accountant's favorite. He loved how he could hear Lord Gloria's heartbeat and smell his skin and touch his curly hair.

_The Half_ was just as sincere as _The Monster_, but it was reserved for when The Lord was too preoccupied to give anyone his full attention. It was squishy but tighter and usually just across the shoulders-sometimes Dorian pulled so hard that it hurt. These hugs were used the most often. James nicknamed it _The Half_ because it was half a _Monster_, thus half a hug.

_The Fleeting_ hugs were James' least favorite. They were the quick goodbye sort of hugs that The Earl seldom gave, which was the only good part about them. These ones lasted a couple of seconds and Dorian barely even touched James. It was more like a soft pat on the back than anything. They were half-hearted hugs and James hated anything that was not fulfilled in complete earnest.

Although James loved Dorian's hugs, he loved his snuggles more. But that was another story.


	11. Ribbon

Any time The Lord bought James a gift, he would meticulously take his time wrapping it and, for the finishing touch, he would tie a ribbon around it. The ribbons were always different, even if the paper was not. James saved them up-he hoarded them. He had a big box under his bed dedicated to ribbons from Dorian. There were all different kinds: tie dye, plain, sparkly, long, short, soft and bumpy. Anything anyone could imagine.

While James treasured whatever was wrapped in the box with the ribbon-usually calculators or pens-the ribbon itself meant so much more.

"Why do you do that?" asked Lord Gloria as James stuffed the silk red ribbon into his pocket after unwrapping a new Casio.

"No reason," he responded immediately, quickly taking off to the attic. The accountant did not wish for Dorian to know about his super secret special stash. He felt that The Earl would either be disturbed, angry, or he would laugh. Because even for Mr. James, this habit was weird.

James loved the silky feeling on his skin, and the color was gorgeous. This ribbon was one of the best yet. He was completely aware how unorthodox this was, but knowing that Dorian went through the trouble to tie his present with a ribbon, adding that much more to make it look pretty, proved just how much he loved his sweet little Jamesie.


	12. Princess

On Dorian's birthday, he and James participated together in one of their best kept secret games: 'Rescue the Princess'.

Obviously, Lord Gloria would be Princess Gloria and James would be the knight sent to save her from a variety of different fates; an arranged marriage, getting squished by a train, drowning, etc. It all depended on The Lord's mood.

On this birthday, however, Dorian wanted it to be different. "You be the Princess this time, James," he said, handing the baffled accountant the bright pink, glittering gown. "I'll save you." He winked.

James did as he was asked, slipping with difficulty into the costume. It was far too big or him, and fell off of his shoulders and dragged on the floor behind him as he walked. A blush spread across his cheeks and his ears burned. The Lord looked so _good _wearing this; people would want to save him. But himself, on the other hand, looked like a little boy playing dress-up. How was he supposed to show himself to Dorian like this?

Before James was able to think of an answer, Dorian suddenly burst in and exclaimed, waving the plastic sword about, "_I have arrived_!"

"_Gah_!" James gasped and tried to cover himself up, dashing into the closet. "I changed my mind!" he called. "You be the Princess!"


	13. Argue

James and Dorian rarely fought, but they argued more than most people realized. It was over little things-stupid things that held no real importance. Fat-free or whole milk. What shoes James wore with what outfit. Dorian put too much product in his hair. The following spat was especially dumb, which was something both thieves could agree on.

"Don't put that one there," said James, referring to Dorian's large collection of teddy bears and where they would be positioned on his neatly made bed.

"Why not?" Dorian replied, indignant.

"Because it makes it uneven. See, there's six on that side and six on this one. If you put it there it makes seven-"

"I can count, Mr. James. _I_ think it looks fine."

"It looks _unbalanced_."

"It's lonely if I leave it in the middle, though!"

"It's a stuffed inanimate object; it doesn't _feel_ anything!"

The hurt on The Earl's face was unbelievable. Why was he getting so worked up over a teddy bear? He picked it up and threw it at James' head. It bounced off the side and landed on the floor at his feet. "You keep it then!"

James did, and when they made up and hugged it out two days later, he still had it. The teddy bear became a symbol of their arguments which had no purpose, and how much better it felt when they kissed and everything was better. When a conversation was turning into an argument, either James or Dorian would bring out the teddy bear, and suddenly things like which way the toilet paper faced suddenly did not seem so crucial.


	14. Glasses

The day came where Lord Gloria began having to squint to read things up close, like the newspaper Mr. James brought him on Sundays. He could see far away fine, but something could be in front of his nose and he would have no idea what it said.

It was James who first suggested he maybe needed glasses.

Dorian threw his hands up in frustration. "Well, excuse me James, I had no idea you were an eye doctor _as well_ as my accountant."

James held his ground, hands planted on his hips firmly. "M'lord, failing eyesight is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to everyone, eventually. I know a guy whose cousin is an eye doctor; I'm sure I could get you a good price on-"

Dorian stamped his foot. He often threw little tantrums like this when something didn't go his way. "Jamesie, I believe you completely and I know you always have good intentions, but..." The Earl shrugged and turned away, ashamed. "I don't wanna get old," he whimpered. "Glasses will make me feel old. Do you understand, luv?"

James did not understand. Dorian was older than him, but not by a whole lot, not even ten years. And what was so bad about glasses? Lots of people, old and young, had to wear them. The skinny accountant even found glasses sexy, especially on his Lord. "No one will have to see but you and I..." he trailed off.

Dorian petted the crown of James' head. "Thank you for trying, darling," he said, meaning it.

Two weeks later, James helped Lord Gloria pick out a fancy pair of specks that had red polka dots and made him look a million times better in James' head as he observed Dorian on Sunday mornings reading the paper without any trouble.


	15. Push

Lord Gloria pushed his little accountant, Mr. James, to do things he would not normally have done under any other circumstances. Sometimes the things he did were stupid. Other times they were frightening, practical, or just plain silly.

The best thing Dorian had pushed James to do was eat a pickle.

The Earl ate pickles all the time, and it was one of the few things Mr. James truly hated about Lord Gloria. He would sit there at the head of the table, all dainty-like with his long legs crossed and a napkin resting on his lap, munching away on, of all things, _pickles_.

Pickles were loud and obnoxious to eat. Not to mention they smelt bad and James certainly didn't want to be around Dorian after he had a jar of pickles. He hated the dreadful _crunching_ they made when you bit into one; he hated the way they looked, like some deranged, salty cucumber.

While watching soaps on the telly, Dorian sat curled up, a jar of the dreaded, smelly green monstrosities in his hands. He crunched and crunched and crunched until James snapped, "Do you want me to go and leave you and your pickles in peace?"

Shocked into silence, all Dorian could do was open and close his mouth like a fish. While James had steam coming out of his ears, he finally managed to say, "Would you like some pickles, too, James?" He tipped the jar in James' direction.

Would he like some pickles? James could have laughed in The Lord's face. Would he like one of those disgusting, fat, green, toxic freaks of nature? Dorian had never before asked him this question. James said, "Yes please." He then ate pickles until he threw up. From that moment on, barely a day went by where he did not eat a pickle.


	16. School

The happiest day of James' life was the day he graduated high school. There was no question in his mind that he would ever be happier than he felt in that moment when he walked out of those doors for the last time.

School was the bane of James' existence. It's not that he was bullied or anything of that sort; he was, rather, invisible. No one noticed him. People could walk straight into him in the hallways and would not even realize it because they had honestly not seen him there. He sat front row and center in every one of his classes, and the teachers always had to call his name twice during attendance.

James was a smart student, with straight B's, save for mathematics, in which he excelled. Numbers came to him easier than anything else in life did. At least, certainly easier than his relationships with people, romantic or not. He was awkward, shy, and had but _one_ girlfriend in his whole three years of high school. He had one back in elementary school...but that shouldn't count. Years later, he could not remember either of their names.

It all seemed to work out in the end, though, the years of being ignored and being shoved into walls and getting elbowed in the face. Without having been through all he had been through, James never would have found Lord Gloria. And then life would not have been worth living.


	17. Sand

At the beach, the only thing Dorian wanted to do in was play in the sand. James tried to get him to swim, because he really loved water and that was the _point _of going to the beach, but Lord Gloria would have none of it. Instead he sat with his legs spread out in front of him, building a sandcastle, concentrating so hard his tongue was poking out. James sat next to him, eating an ice cream cone, and burying his feet under the warm sand.

"Do you like it, Jamesie?" said The Earl.

"What is it?"

"Our home, our castle." Dorian's voice cracked slightly at the end of the sentence, apparently hurt that his friend did not recognize it.

"Of course, M'lord." James nodded encouragingly. "It's lovely. You have a real talent."

The disappointed look on The Lord's face vanished. "Aww, James. You're an angel." He leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, then stole a lick of his ice cream. "I wish I could bring some sand home with us," he said, returning to his creation, which was a little lopsided.

What an odd thing to say. James replied, hesitantly, "We could try..."

An hour or so later, Dorian and James had filled all five of their beach buckets with sand and piled them into the car. When Dorian turned a sharp corner on the ride home and it all spilt everywhere, he decided, with teary-eyed frustration, he and James would never return to the beach and they would never again try what they just did.

Five days later, the two art thieves were back at the beach, filling up their buckets with as much sand as they could possibly carry.


	18. Pillow

To James, Lord Gloria was a human pillow. He loved it when they cuddled in front of the telly or slept together when the other had a nightmare or just lazed about in the afternoon.

Dorian was always the first to sprawl out on his back, and then James would sidle up and rest his head against The Earl's stomach. He would try not to laugh, but his tummy area was sensitive and ridiculously ticklish. Once both were settled and Dorian, being the first to start falling asleep, wouldn't mind it when James drew up closer so that he rested against his chest, under his chin.

Jamesie's hair smelt very pleasant. It was always different, though, because it depended on whatever shampoo happened to be on sale that day. This evening it smelt like coconuts-the ladies' shampoo must have been half off or something. Dorian didn't usually mind having his little James snuggling so near to him, but he had a rather sharp pain in his back from a heist earlier in the week and James had his legs encircled around his own so they were beginning to numb.

Dorian wanted to make James move, but he looked so peaceful as he laid there on the edge of sleep, lulled by the comforting beat of his Lord's heart. For that reason and that reason alone, Dorian allowed himself to be a pillow for a little while longer-just until James fell asleep and he could carry him upstairs.


	19. Teeth

His teeth was one of the things James constantly worried about, as ridiculous as that may sound. He feared one morning he would wake up and they would all fall out. His father had lost all his teeth and needed dentures at a relatively young age-James did _not_ want teeth that were not his own.

So he looked after them as best as he possibly could. He brushed three times a day and flossed twice and bought the expensive toothpaste; everything James could do, he did.

That's why it was such a devastating shock when James was told he had a cavity. It was not a big cavity by any means. They caught it early and it would not take long to fill. Nonetheless, a piece of James' mouth was _decaying_, and it horrified the skinny young man. He fainted, and Dorian had to carry him to the car and back to the castle.

When he came to, James immediately began freaking out, just as Lord Gloria had suspected. He pointed accusingly at Dorian, saying, "This"-he gestured to the tooth where the cavity was-"is your fault. It's because of you I have a huge gaping _hole_ in my mouth!"

Anyone else most likely would have been frightened by the meek Mr. James' outburst, but The Earl found it amusing and he struggled not to laugh, which would only upset him further. He said, "James, it's not a gaping hole, it's so tiny the dentist barely even caught it. And how's it _my_ fault? They're _your_ teeth, not mine."

"You keep making me pies!" shrieked James. He spoke the truth, for Dorian had recently picked up the hobby of baking, and he was pretty good at it. Even if he wasn't, it wouldn't have stopped him from doing it anyway. Nothing stopped him from doing what he liked doing. "Every night it's a different pie and because of you _my teeth are rotting out of my skull_!"

It was growing increasingly difficult for The Lord not to give in and laugh uncontrollably. His hands shook and his eyes filled with liquid. "You didn't have to eat them."

Raising his eyes to the heavens, James stormed briskly away to floss his teeth, for good measure, and Dorian waited until the accountant was out of earshot before he cut himself a piece of pumpkin pie and laughed so hard his rubs hurt.


	20. Sunrise

Randomly throughout the year, The Earl liked to wake up early and watch the sunrise. He always woke James as well, and the two art thieves would sit outside with their cups of tea and enjoy nature. It beat whatever they could watch on the telly.

This morning was rather chilly; Dorian and James wrapped themselves in heavy, warm, and fuzzy blankets overtop their pajamas before making the long trek outside and up the grass hill behind the castle-to the perfect view. Their fingers were intertwined as they walked so as to keep warm. It was cold, but not cold enough that they could see their breath.

Once at the top of the hill, Lord Gloria spread out the blanket. The sun was just beginning to peek over the mountain; they made it on time. He sat down and pulled Jamesie into his lap, enclosing his arms around the tinier man's chest and holding him close to keep both of them warm.

The light and colors of the rising sun began to fill the sky. Dorian was bouncing with excitement. He said into James' ear, "Look, it's coming up."

"It is," said James, who adored how easily amused Lord Gloria could be. The sky turned a brilliant orange color, with beautiful flecks of pink smeared across it. James studied Dorian's face, his eyes-the way he smiled, how his eyes glowed-when the sun finally revealed itself fully over the summit of the mountain in the distance. "It's beautiful," he observed.

Dorian yanked his Jamesie closer, so hard that it sort of hurt. Nuzzling his hair, Dorian said happily, "And so are you."


	21. Goodbye

Goodbyes killed James a little on the inside each time one took place. Goodbyes that weren't even major ones-a trip to the grocery store without him-made James sad. Big goodbyes where The Earl was going on a heist in another country or something similar were guaranteed to be full of tears and snuggles and begging.

"Mr. James..." Dorian said through clenched teeth, trying to push the blubbering small man away from him. "I'll miss you, too, but this is ridiculous...Please, stop it..." Lord Gloria often wondered if his little Jamesie was acting or not. If he was, he was indeed a gifted actor. He said, rubbing James' arms, "I'll be back, dearest, you know I'll be back..."

James shook his head and buried his face further into Dorian's shoulder. "Please, M'lord..." He was quite literally pleading now.

The Lord sighed heavily, knowing he was about to give in. "Okay, okay." He hushed James and took his face in his hands. His cheeks were red and soaked with tears, strands of his hair sticking to various parts of his face. "Shh. It'll be okay. You may come along with me, if you want to."

The young man's entire face lit up. "Really? Thank you, M'lord!" He huggled Dorian once more, reaching for his hand.

The Earl pulled James along with him. Maybe trying to make him stay at home was not worth the effort. James studied Dorian's face then, and-being rather good at reading emotions-was sure he had won. No more would he have to cry and beg for Lord Gloria to take him along on his journeys. That way he could always be sure Dorian was safe and would be returning home.


	22. Kiss

Never before had James been kissed on the lips. That statistic didn't just include Lord Gloria-it included his girlfriend in the fourth grade, his girlfriend in high school, and everyone else he never had a chance with.

Lord Gloria kissed him all the time; his head, his cheeks, his knuckles. He kissed him to say thank you, to say goodbye or hello. But never his mouth. Oh, but how James wanted his Lord to kiss him there! For _him_, Dorian Red Gloria, the Earl of Gloria, to bestow upon him, lowly Mr. James, the best gift of all: a kiss. A kiss that proved his love for him and not just affection.

Of course, James would never ask such a thing of Dorian, and Dorian would never think of such a thing. Everyone was well aware of who The Earl truly loved-scary Uncle NATO. Mr. James fit nowhere even close to that category. Despite this, the accountant still found himself wishing day in and day out that Dorian would plant one kiss-just one little kiss-right on his lips.

But then Dorian took James' face in his hands and squished his cheeks and cooed, "I love you," while he planted a kiss on his forehead, and suddenly James knew that those kind of kisses would be good enough for now.


	23. Rain

James and Dorian had very different outlooks when it came to wet weather. James loved it when it rained-rain washed away the old and brought in the new. It was refreshing and clean and he loved the smell rain left behind the next day.

Lord Gloria, however, felt like dying when it rained. It depressed him like nothing else, expert for being rejected again and again by Uncle NATO. He curled up in his fluffy bed and didn't come out until it stopped. If it lasted a long time, James would bring him some food and the two would huddle under the blanket fort and eat cheesecake or whatever James had brought with him.

Thunderstorms were even worse. Dorian fought back tears and needed at least three people under the covers with him, just to feel even a little safe. It was kind of James' guilty pleasure. He felt terrible for The Earl, who was terrified out of his mind, but at the same time he liked being cuddled; knowing he was needed.

It was only raining a little one day, but the sky was dark, heavily clouded over. Lord Gloria, instead of his bed, moved to the couch and wrapped himself up in a pink and purple fleece blanket-a sad burrito. "Jamesie!" he wailed. "James, luv, I need you!"

James rushed away from what he was doing and found himself dismayed when he seen the sad burrito Dorian sprawled out in one of the living rooms. "Tea?" he asked, and Dorian shook his head rapidly.

Heart heavy, James again rushed away and made some Earl Grey topped with a few spices he knew Lord Gloria liked. He came back to Dorian and held out the cup with shaking hands. It took a good three minutes for The Earl to unwiggle himself from the burrito and take the tea from his friend. "Thank you, James."

James nodded and sat next to The Lord before he was asked. He said, "It's only a little rain. It should stop soon, M'lord."

"I know, darling."

"I'm sorry."

Dorian sipped his tea. "For what?"

"That you're scared."

Dorian smiled and held James and he shared the tea with him. Somewhere deep inside of himself, James did not feel sorry at all.


	24. Mask

The Earl wore a mask. It was not a literal mask that just anybody could see. But James could see it-he knew.

Whenever they were out for dinner and a show, whenever someone visited, and during a heist-the mask was on, set firmly in place. Dorian presented himself as everyone knew him, as the dashing, cultured, graceful art thief that he was.

James was lucky enough to see Lord Gloria, the greatest lover of all things beautiful in the world, without the mask. He took it off when just the two of them were alone. Underneath, Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria, was just a young man who liked 'Dorian' better than any other title with nice hair who feared spiders and needed constant reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

Here he was, a man who could have anything that he wished for, without the one thing that mattered the most to him, more than any priceless jewelry or paintings-Iron Klaus. This fact more than anything else completely shattered Dorian's mask, leaving him a depressed blob of tears sprawled across his bed all hours of the morning. It was at times like these that James could do very little to help; he would just wait until Lord Gloria had glued the mask back together and the cycle continued on.


	25. Home

_There was no place like home_. For Mr. James, truer words had never been spoken. He couldn't wait to get back to the castle after a whirlwind of traveling across the globe, chasing after a painting Lord Gloria wanted. There was nothing quite like snuggling up in your own bed and sitting at your own table and using your own toilet.

It was heavenly, really. Besides Dorian and money, his home was all James allowed himself to love unconditionally.

He had moved a lot in his childhood, and felt that he never actually had a permanent home. In the end, however, James came to realize that home was not a_ place_, but a _feeling_. While he loved the castle-it was spacious, cozy, fancy and welcoming-he knew he was home whenever he was with Lord Gloria. Because isn't that what home was? It was a place where you were wanted, where you felt safe and that you could be yourself. Home wasn't literal. Home was anywhere you felt these things, and James felt all this and more in the company of Dorian.


End file.
